#big exam this wednesday
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I don't know I probably should not be freaking out lmao but this is literally all I've wanted for 10+ years,
#😓#i also need to start working on my portfolio like yesterday#so i should probably start on that#big weeks coming up ahead. its the end of the semester so it is to be expected#i think i have dog events for the next 3 weekends#big exam this wednesday#homework tonight + tomorrow#presentation tuesday#finals are in ONE month#road trip in less than two months#graduation in ONE YEAR!!!!#a lot is happening#i also need to start advertising my art WAY more aggressively#because i need a second source of income#especially since i cannot work the fall semester#i guess i could work 1530 to 1730 two days a week and 900 to 1400 one day#but like. if were not shortstaffed then whats the point of that lmao#im getting myself all wound up i think but theres a lot to be worried about atm#and i need to think about moving 🥲#a year is not a long time.
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i'm going to get a stomach ulcer until they post the results on wednesday
#big exam today (residency)#i so desperately want a spot for laboratory analysis in the city i went to uni#i know my result but i won't know if it's a good result until wednesday#and the spots are chosen on sunday#I WILL COLLAPSE#there's like 20 spots i'm interested in and there were 2000 candidates i want to cry
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how to email professor about them being disrespectful of ur time and to please post assignments not 24 hrs before they’re due
#posted two assignments this (sunday) morning due tomorrow (monday) night despite us only having#lecture once a week on tuesday nights#bitch u should have assigned this LAST WEDNESDAY!!!!#i have already planned everything i need to do for the next 48 hrs and ur stupid fucking policy research paper proposal#cannot suddenly take top priority bc u assigned it last minute without any mention in class#meanwhile i have actual big girl classes to worry abt like this fuckass biochem exam. do u want me to kill myself BE HONEST#i’m so pissed i’ve had this prof before and she’s so fucking disorganized and incapable of explaining herself it makes me want#to tear out my hair#lucky me she is also one of my advisors now 😁☝️ according to the email i got yesterday#not for long tho i’m requesting a new one asap i CANNOT give her any morsel of responsibility for my career#I NEED A GUN#the gun is for myself fbi i am not making a threat. obama voice let me be clear
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Nothing quite like getting fully-bedridden, I-wanna-die type of flu in the middle of exam season, truly :'))))
#personal#vent#Raksh vents#I would cry#if I wasnt too exhausted and didn't have too big of a headache to shed even a single tesr#gosh this is awful#I have topics for two exams to cover#one on wednesday and one on thursday#and other assignments to do on top of that#and I have a 39 degrees celcius fever#I truly kinda wanna die rn ;_;#tw flu#tw: flu
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this week is gonna be absolute hell i need it to be over already
#have a presentation and an exam i didn't even know about until now on Wednesday#<- the presentation ins't done and i don't even know what's on the exam#and I have an oral exam for Spanish I JUST found out about today with a partner that i have to meet with#plus i'm still sick#after a week#that's honestly enough to make me want to kill myself#and i need to write for big bang#i am overwhelmed#but it's fine i'm spending my break now on tumblr and not doing the stuff i should be doing#so it's going great
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oscillating rapidly and producing a low tone in the note of c
#on the one hand i am dying because i am not catching on in this new internship placement#all whilst my professors are already asking me to have my ducks in a row and send them like.#a detailed plan of what i'll be doing for my big final exam#when i don't even know what the schedule is around here or what's already been done and what still needs to be done#on the other hand my brain is so so desperate for goofing around time after spending basically the whole break working#(i took like a week off to be sick in december and then another 5 days to be sick in january)#(and then i Meaningfully took three or so days off to just. relax. in between stages of this other project)#but now i really just want to like. slack off entirely for a whole week.#(i can't do this)#(i need to start writing planning documents and making progress towards my big final exam thing)#so essentially i am weeping and dying#but at the very least a cool thing should be coming around either tomorrow or wednesday so#be on the lookout for that w#a a a a a a a a i hope it goes over well#a friend and i have been working really hard on this since last june . . . . .#(with a huge break in the middle on account of the internship hell)#but wauuughghgh save me from the hell i reside in (burn out from last semester is now following me into this one waughgh)
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I will feel so tired that it's like my atoms are coming undone and I'm being made unreal...and then I will have a little chocolate treat and for 15 minutes I am whole and present again. Then the horrors
#ramblings of a lunatic#i remember feeling like this at the peak of my burnout and fatigue before#(also the same burnout and fatigue that took my interests and creativity and ground them into dust)#so I've concluded that i will just try and make it through the next two days as best i can (I GET FANCY RESTAURANT FOOD ON WEDNESDAY)#and then I'll just try to let my mental and physical health recuperate while finding excuses to hang w/ friends#cause that'll stave off thr madness of isolation#i wanna watch my shows and movies too and I'll finally be able to w/o guilt after the last exam :cries:#anyway. if you've noticed an uptick in me just sayin shit recently (in a way that may or may not be cause for concern)#it's bc I'm so close to getting out of the mines that having to wait any longer is driving me clinically insane#i wanna downplay the problem bc it's truly not that big a deal in some ways#but then i remembered that this is a) the longest I've gone w/o seeing my pals in like. nearly a month#and I've been at home doing the same stuff everyday for nearly a month too#and also IT'S THE FINAL EXAM I'M EVER GONNA DO BEFORE COLLEGE. IT'S A BIG DEAL MAN#so actually. yes I'm a bit of a drama queen but my slice of life problems have a place for mediation and bemoaning#but it's fine. bc we're gonna kill it#I'm gonna do sooooooo good on this test (<- manifesting)#it's. a little high pressure bc the last time i did a test for this subject (that I'm generally very good at) i majorly beefed it#but I've learned since then and I'm hoping. praying. also working hard but mostly hoping and praying#anyway. I gotta sleep soon bc i got so little sleep last night bc of the heat that i almost started crying at breakfast#LET'S GO LESBIANS (the lesbians are me. it's just me talking into a hall of mirrors)
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DID YOU MISS THE EXAM... Either way I can believe in that superstition for a sec I'm so sorry 😭😭😭
NONO I TOOK IT. BARELY. I BARELY TOOK IT. I JUST THOUGHT CLASS WAS GOING TO BE NORMAL BUT NOPE <3<3<3
#snap chats#ngl cried a lil in classs... mightve scribbled a bit on the page.. which has happened before when taking spanish tests LMAO#the rage and anger i felt... oh to punch a wall like i literally just wanted to leave and scream#and i havent felt that kind of anger in a hot minute it was so ugly LMAOOOO so stupid nothing even majorly bad happened#it just the build up ig.... anyways...#I THOUGHT IT WAS WEDNESDAY CAUS EI HAVE AN ASSIGNMENT TOMORROW#AND ASSIGNMENTS ARE USUALLY DUE THE DAY BEFORE THE EXAM BUT. OK. FUCK ME IG#when i finally stopped being a big ol baby i focused on the questions and they weren't actually too hard so im p sure i did fine#it was just... The Emotional Damage of walking in thinking it was gonna be a chill day after Everythin and its like :) No Exams Today :)#the funnier bit is that i literally asked my professor and then she forgot to give me the exam so i had to ask her for it 🧍♂️#right after asking about the exam 🧍♂️like i know im unremarkable but you JUST spoke to me....#my reputation of being the most invisible man continues..... an ironic title to have but ill take it....#call my ass kellam the way i have to remind people im here <3 fe homies will know what that means and they'll know im right </3#anyway to end the horrible night. Hopefully. i was gonna get milk from the milk dispenser Because We Have Those#and the milk i usually get was empty so i got the second one and the spout was tilted weirdly so the milk just went backwards#so that was fun. to get. and then a guy tried getting chocolate milk after me and Something happened cause he just yelled the f slur LOL#what a day... it's no one's day today apparently.....#anyway Lesson Learned don't fuck with three's. i don't like the number three it always gives me bad vibes...#did i disclose my Unhealthy relationship with numbres.. i prob did lol.. ima wrap this post up now...
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Props to people who can use study methods like pomodoro. I have come to the conclusion that I just simply cannot. I do not have the self control for short, regular breaks; I will study 6 hours uninterrupted or not at all.
#I can't put a task down if it's not finished#so I can't take my break on time#and then I can't just put down whatever I was doing during my break#studyblr#studying#this week has been ROUGH and it's only wednesday wish me luck#first exam today!! And first big project due tonight!!
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#WHY ARE ALL MY ASSIGNMENTS BOTTLENECKING ON TUESDAY#the day I have the LEAST FREE TIME#AAAAAAA#I have to go to bed God help me#exam. four one-page papers. ANOTHER paper. application for Honors capstone project. and I have like four hours of free time total#WHYYYYY#it's going to be fine I just... probably need to log out until Wednesday#big yikes
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i’m finally working on the enderman again btw
#it’s so big that working on it is unexpectedly physical cause i’ve either gotta move around it or have it in my lap#so when i got hurt right before spring break i had to take a pretty considerable hiatus from working on it#and then i just got insanely busy w classwork#so now that i’m done with classwork and had a few days where all i had to do was pack and take like#one total exam#i had time and energy to work on it again#(plus i wanted to get it done before i leave wednesday)#so uhhhhh yeah longathan jonathan pictures tomorrrowwwew i hope
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I have my first analysis exam in 2 days we'll see how that goes !!
ok wait, reblog if you’ve cried at least once because of math, doesn’t matter which grade i’m trying to prove something
#it's not even for real points#not really at least#and i had a big exam today so i was working on that all week#and i am NOT prepared for wednesday#and i also have a physics test on thursday#i wanna focus on that more tbh bc my chances of passing are higher#but ill do my best in both i guess#so i probs wont be crying#but we'll see how my exams in january go lol
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we have to present our family medicine projects and do a review session first thing tomorrow morning like oh my goddddd.....i dont want toooooooo......can i just be left alone to fester until we take our exams wednesday and thursday
#syd squeaks#tomorrow is that + tuesday is a big research day + wednesday is patient skills exam + thursday is shelf + friday is clinic
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20/5/24
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Did well on practice run of the exam in that I managed to complete the essay in an hour
Baby potato
Ender toast
Got cuddles from my cat
#happiness diary#happiness diary: may 2024#had a hospital appointment today#guess whos getting her arm chopped up again ~#its only been a year since the mast biopsy#i mean to be fair the upcoming biopsy is the one i went about last year#they just looked at the very obvious weird mole and went nah thats normal this one on your back tho#and yeah i don't really know what that one looked like so it coulda looked super weird#but its situation wasnt as concerning as the arm mole#like its only been here for like 4 years amd its grown really big and weird#and i told that to a doctor cus they looked at it and said oh that looks like youve always had that mole#amd i said no its only been there since the last biopsy on the arm (which was not benign)#and her reply was an oh and she promptly moved on and sent me on my way#oh in response to a hey this mole has grown relly quick and i have a history of precancerous moles please consider#like i would rather not have to get my arm chopped but i would rather a biopsy to cancer any day#so you know#best case its just a weird mole cus i have a couple of those lile one looks like a fried egg#worst case its malignant and they overlooked it last year when i went in about it#the last time a doctor overlooked a mole it was malignant#it was lucky she went and got a second opinion#and even then they were both hmming and hawing about whether to remove it or not#luckily they decided to remove it but still#im doing my part so they should take me a bit more seriously#especially since i dont loke the look of it#last malignant moles its mostly been my family saying to go to the doctors#but this time i went of my own accord like a year ago#mmmm just feel like im rambling:((((#also the appointment is on a Wednesday after my exams so ive got 3 weeks of stress wednesday#im so gonna treat myself to ice cream
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I’m so sorry for not replying to asks @>@ (translation: mod ioten is begging on their hands and knees praying for forgiveness)
and for not writing &-& (translation: mod ioten has been making up new ideas and he is abandoning them after three sentences of draft)
Things have gotten super busy lately 😭😭😭 (translation: mod ioten has been going through an increased amount of existential dread. Also she has been binge watching Netflix and anime.)
But I’m gonna try and get back in the habit soon !! It’s been driving me nuts looking at all my drafts and just wjsnrjdnnnfjffifjfndkdnekeksmdmdkdnsksdodjdosjsknskdsk (translation: jeheinekdheirjfjfnkbdkdbfifnf)
#likely will not be posting n e thing till Wednesday cause I got a big exam on Tuesday @-@#and I have a 6 hr shift tmrw 😭😭😭#I’ve been focusing HARD on Akechi thoughts lately tho oml#hes my baby hes my pathetic loser boyfriend he’s my skrunkle dunkle cutie pie (translation: his nendo came in today)#also I finished Scott pilgrim takes off and hooooohohohohoodjeoejojeojeiwneoejrorjeofjeos#they gave EVERYONE a happy ending i legitimately teared up#ALSO THE NEW HYPMIC EP THIS WEEKENWKEENDK#sasa saying thank you to the slap killed me 😭😭😭#and toki was the real spotlight cause DAMN 😭#just makes his new solo hit all the harder ;_;#iotext
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If I had a nickel for every time a Korean group came to the uk and I couldn’t go because of education I’d have three nickels which isn’t that much but it’s infuriating it’s happened thrice
#it’s because everything is in fucking London#I propose the first thing Scotland does after getting independence is building a big stadium because the SSE Hydro isn’t cutting it#fun fact no K-pop group has ever performed in Scotland#I have five fav groups and so far ateez gidle and now Xdinary heroes have disappointed me#I really wanted to see Xdinary heroes the first time they came to Europe as well#but no because it’s on a fucking Wednesday that I can’t miss#I swear to god is skz come to the uk for the first time post-covid and it’s on like an exam day or something#I’m actually going to lose my shit
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